The Machine – Bert Kreischer: THE MACHINE

This is the story about the time I robbed a train in Russia with the Russian Mafia.

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Rhys O'Brien says:

It never occurred to me to ask this before now, but why the hell is Bert topless?

The Crazy Cuban says:

My 9th grade science teacher reccomended this video to me because I speak a lot of Russian in class or spew useless facts about Russia and I have to say, I’m not disappointed

Evan Perkins says:

I have a similar story but for Job Corp. I was talking with the formen about this chick named margarita. He said she needs come with some margaritas. Then without missing a beat. I said one them is a virgin. Either way we are going have some fun. Then he took me in front of the whole trade and repeat myself and instantly I was in the class without question.

George Jordan says:

I think the story is just OK. Although he he’s a good story teller and good guy, Bert fabricates every story. I’m a suburban Jersey guy that has 5-10 stories and I know a dozen guys that could top this story. Everyone that listens to this problem has never experience hard life, jail, robbery, drug addiction, and the things that real people who been through shit experience so this story is nothing to me. Sorry.

winter soldier27 says:

This would be a hit comedy movie

Marcos Barbas García says:

Shit, this story is pure gold

Dj Tapout says:


Dalton Ricardo says:


Amy :D says:

I want to go to russia now

Dalton Ricardo says:


Alfred Malam says:

Russian Mafia = Jews from Russia Mafia but they don’t what you to know that, this is why they using the word Russia instead of Jews.

Butt Head says:

Send this to Russia we will be friends

Megan Harrell says:

My 14 month old daughter LOVES this story!

So did you ever get to reconnect with Igor? Especially now that you’re like way famous?

Failure Friend says:

I wonder if the legend of the machine still lives on

james hebebrand says:

I wish I could speak a different language

Ana Castellano says:

I love this story so much that I still haven’t questioned why he’s not wearing a shirt.

Penny seer of the clouds says:

Love this dude! Fucking hilarious!

Paris Ellinas says:

I currently sat with this typical Mukachavo chav, who’s wearing very short, shorts. Blue ones to be exact who rudely interrupted the video i was enjoy, to spit some Ukrainian, criticising words telling me this story is stolen. He got the original ‘stolen story’ video up and starting shouting…to which we all realised it was the same fucking American guy….

Ник Ник says:

Yep ! This could easily happen in Russia in 1990-2000
Heck. Even now, this can happen ! if you’re “lucky” enough.

moiecol says:


V01D Master373 says:

Not funny…. boring…. didint find this interesting at all…

Sinbad 15 says:


shannon popesco says:

I watch this one video at least once a month love this guy so funny

explosivefreak666 says:

.. ” Fuck that bitch… This is Russia”.!..

Tanmere Lapute says:

Why tf you liiiying? Why u always liiiyin? hmmm omg, stop fking liiiying

Matt Ball says:

couldn’t find a laugh here….

Valhallen says:

“He gets so close to my face I can smell his morning cigarette and he says, no fuck that bitch this is Russia.”

Luddekarlsson says:

make a movie out of this

Dalton Ricardo says:


Stieger_fx 1 says:

Russia is were you can buy an Ak47 at age 10 years old.

Michal Reich says:

I go to FSU now. I feel so much pride

Cenk Cuneyt Ozkaraca says:

Fuck that bitch, this is Russia

S J says:

Love the story. But fuck that muslim war crest necklace your wearing


Just earing this makes me want to go to Russia

Daniel Conrad says:

Привет, меня зовут Берт. приятно познакомиться. Мне нравится работать с кошками

sobreaver says:

One of the best story teller I’ve heard in a long time and the only one I’ve heard bare belly XD

Dalton Ricardo says:


Aybars Ayaşlı says:

13:45 😀

Vince Lynam says:

Bert! I’m on the plane with you on the way to the Eagles parade! Didn’t want to gush but….I dig ya man! Have a great parade! Unleash the machine!!

AnimeChuck says:

Sooooo WELcome
Theee Machineeeeee

Dominik Ledesma says:

12:25 to 12:32

comettamer says:

If ever you pass through Cheyenne, Wyoming then rest assured i will buy tickets.

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